a possible blip in my plans :(

soooo, this Thursday is my last exam, and we are planning on drinking ASAP after the exam (it finishes at four, so that's acceptable:) )

i had planned what i was going to eat that day ( and apple for breakfast, a bit of tuna, boiled egg, baby leaf salad for dinner) to account for the alcohol which will fill my belly, but will also fill me with calories :( but i haven't been out in ages so its okay.

but then i found out the club we are going to are having a free rooftop BBQ for members of the "extreme BBQ" society and their friends. this is the only society i joined in freshers week (i know, haha makes me look like a sad fatty!) and i have fun at them. and it's FREE, and they're yummy, so i doubt I'll be able to resist anyways, plus people will think I'm weird going to a free BBQ and not having anything. so my plan is to allow myself a burger, and try not to eat all of it - i have plenty of friends who will hoover it up for me :) if its a quarter pounder and a big bun, it will be about 500 calories - that's about how many there is in a McDonald's one, so a BBQ one cant be more. i shall just keep thinking about supersize me and it will be okay. the rest of my days calories shouldn't be more that 170, so 670, is  okaaaaay-ish. god knows about the calories in the alcohol - it's too depressing to count those!

so the next day i will undoubtedly have a hangover - which i can use to my advantage. sleep through breakfast and be "too ill" to eat. i may get salty cravings but i find cucumber is amazing for hangovers, so i will only allow myself salad and fruit if i have to. then I'm going drinking again that night and i will try my absolute hardest not to give in to drunken cravings. not even a piece of toast!

then Saturday ... pot brownies. not only brownies, but ones that make you want more food! we had planned this before i had realised there would be a BBQ so I'm freaking out a bit. but I've been looking forward to it for so long. i will make sure i will not have unhealthy munchies - grapes and cucumber only for me, and perhaps a little plain homemade pop corn. god, i hope i can control my munchies - the brownies themselves will be about 500! will have to keep chanting that in my head.

and my boyfriend will be here this weekend, so will be noticing what i eat. uurgh.

and then I'm back home. i can control what i eat during the day when my mums at work, but then dinner time ... she cooks fairly healthy, but the portions are massive. i think i will ask to cook more then i will have more control and can dish up me sized portions. may even play a stomach bug card to get smaller portions. its not even that much of a lie, i have been feeling a bit iffy lately.

but then when she gets on holiday too (she works in a school), she'll be noticing what i eat during the day. but hopefully by then i will be at work, so i can just say i had a load to eat there.

ooooh, *worries* hope everything goes to plan and i don't slip back into my piggy old ways again. although i haven't been eating too badly. i know i said i was increasing my calories to maintain but only slowly, and I'm on about 800 a day maximum (mainly boosted up by fruits and nuts) - 660 today - so I'm still in the losing weight section. and i've gone down to 109lb.


uurgghhhh, why am i so obsessed?!

sorry about the whiny post guys - just felt i had to get it off my chest and confess my fatty weekend before it happens! i pray to the stars that my munchies don't turn into a binge!! wish me luck!