selfish intentions

I only want someone to know, so that they can comfort me. So that they can listen, and understand - or just act like they do. So that they can hug me, and tell me everything will be okay. So that they can comfort me and offer me help when I ask for it.

But I am afraid that they will not understand. That they will be upset and angry. They will want to help me, but not in the way that I want them to. They will watch me, and pester me and interrogate me. And judge me and treat me differently.

conflicted

should i tell someone?

i think it might help.

it might make things worse.

i refuse to be branded with any illness.

i refuse to step into a psychiatrists office unless it is my own - how can i be a doctor of mental health if i have the stamp of problems myself?

who can i tell?

I'm going to make a list ...