this time last year ...

... i was in hospital for a week on a drip with "gastroenteritis" aka - i took too many laxatives.

now, i am still abusing laxatives.

but the difference?

then i weighed 85 pounds.

now, i am fat.

fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat.

i feel so unhealthy. i suppose a solid month of binging will do that to a person.
i have a band of fat around my stomach.
my nice tiny waist has all gone.
i am so bloated.
i am dehydrated.
my immunity is fucked.
i have the worst cold and can hardly breathe.
my skin is awful .

a month

i cant remember the last day i followed a meal plan. i cant remember the last day i had three proper meals.
its just fat. pure, squidgy, holdable, wobbly fat. i wouldnt be so mad if my weight had gone in muscle mass. i need a body stat doing to scare myself. i hate to think what my body fat percentage it. in july it was about 11. in july i was 100 pounds. in july i was happy.

in july i was perfect.