big fat failure

i refuse to have that stamped on me any more.

so my november weight loss plans went down the drain. 100lb by the end of november? no, try 114. although the scales did go up to 118 at one horrific point, so i think i've done okay to get back to 114 while still binging every now and then. talking of binging, i tried to make a plan - to have a planned controlled 1000 calorie binge, and then burn at least 500 at the gym. kind of went to plan. i burned the 500, but obviously the 1000 calories are now probably nearer 2 or 3 thousand as i binged after the gym too. genius.

i was thinking of maybe allowing myself one binge day a week. so i wont feel so guilty and then i can spend the rest of the week preparing for it. so that was today. we'll see how that goes.

i've bought some appetite controllers from boots. they have some fiber in them that swells to 50 times its original size so helps you feel full. hopefully they work they cost £25! i also have these other pills which seem to be working so far. just not fast enough!!

as citalopram isn't working for me, i've been prescribed venlafaxine. i'm hoping the transition to that might curb my appetite a bit.

last night i promised my boyfriend that i wouldn't cut anymore. i intend to keep that promise.
now i am promising you that i will be 100lb by new years eve, and that i will cut down my binging till i stop.

i fully intend to keep that promise too.