an insight into the old me ...

i  have been in the process of cleaning/sorting out my room at home. after living in my uni room with pretty much just the things i need and a few decorative things, my old, cluttered room needs a serious clear out. i would love to have one of those artsy or minimalistic (ish) rooms, but i am too much of a hoarder!

so i have been ruthless and thrown away a load of old crap that I've kept for no reason (receipts, labels, notes, toys won from fairs, etc etc.)

anyways, i came across an old notebook from about 3 years ago. it has a load of "emo" poetry written in it; loads of dark, moany segments of my mind. i thought i would post a couple, dunno why. i picked the less embarrassing ones :P

She's a mess;

plasters her face with make up so that nobody knows she spent all night crying.

She's a mess;

dyes her hair just to fit in, but she never really does.

She's a mess;

spends time drawing broken hearts and crying eyes, hoping someone will notice. But nobody does.

Tries so hard to fit in, be the best at everything, but she doesn't realise that she just needs to be herself.

So maybe that's why you're distant.

So maybe if i just changed back to the girl i used to be, it will all be fine

She's a mess;

keeps all her emotions locked away in a metal case in her heart.

She's a mess;

her friends have given up worrying because she never tells them what's wrong.

She's a mess;

sits alone inside herself among so many people that once cared.

She's a mess;

but she tries.

I think i wrote this next one some time after i had recovered from my depression:

Such innocence;

a child brimming with smiles, 

eyes full of life, 

pale white skin - intact.

She grows, she changes.

What happened?

Such pain;

a girl haunted be memories, 

eyes full of tears, 

"cat scratches" lace her skin.

It's nothing. She's fine - never better.

Such bravery;

a girl defiant till the end.

Heart full of courage.

The pain has gone

but like the scars, the memories linger.