i have made a new page - go check it out if you want to read an essay length, moany letter of honesty.
perhaps i should actually give it to Somebody, instead of Nobody...
Coffee and smokes and cold Diet Cokes are what pretty girls are made of. x. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars.
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I have read your letter, word for word, and I hope you realise we are all here for you on here to tell certain things you really can't tell people close to you. Always here to listen :) and never judge or treat you differently.
ReplyDeleteI hope you figure out what/who to tell. And I hope they will react in the right way for you :) I told my bf in hysterics and he hasn't judged me. Sometimes I think he watches me eat, but then probably looks at my weight and says how the hell can you have a problem.( I am 5ft 5 but a huge 149lbs) my eating has been 'troubled' for some time now and I am aiming for 126. You will know what is right huni, I know you will
xxx
I read you letter too. It's hard to figure out who to trust. Whether or not to tell anyone. What to say. How to word it. It's all hard. You always wonder if they will believe you. You wonder if they will actually believe you have a problem. So may question and things running through your mind. I've told a few people. Only 2 people know. I had told 2 more people in the past but I'm sure they forgot/didn't take it seriously then (and wouldn't believe it now either). I'm not underweight yet. I have to be 109 to be under weight and 111 is my LW. I wonder if the 2 people who currently know actually take me seriously though. I'm not underweight and it makes me wonder if they take it seriously because they don't do much to help. They have told me that 90 lbs is not enough but 100 is fine. I will have a BMI of 16.9 if I weigh 100 lbs. I wonder if they will ever try to help me stop. Or just be there for me or anything. It's hard. Just take your time and you can decide what you want to do. You blogging friends will always be here for you no matter what.
ReplyDeleteI read your whole letter as well. It's so hard to tell someone about this. It's like we;'re constantly being torn in opposite direction--tell someone and try to accept help, or keep it all well-hidden?
ReplyDeleteWe're all here for you, whatever you choose to do. <3
I'm supposed to have left blogger, but something about your comment on my last post made me come back searching for you and I found your letter. It is like an echo of my mind maybe just a week or so ago. I am just beginning what I hope is a road to happiness - i.e. I want - need - to recover. My head and my heart are torn in two but a little voice inside me that says I am destroying my life will not quieten, my BF, who knows, looks haunted and I hate the distance I am having to put between me and my mother because I am scared of her finding out.
ReplyDeleteI went to the doctors yesterday. Tomorrow I am booked in for bloods and an ECG to make sure I haven't already caused damage. I am 5'5'', like you. I weigh 105lbs and I know I have to gain if I am ever going to be the happy person I once was.
I know you are scared that if you tell people they will make you go to the doctors, you are scared for what that will do to your future plans. I am scared for what not going to the doctors will do to your future plans. Think about it.
It is fucking hard, right now I am still considering how I can get out of dinner later, how I can get away with exercising more today, I am angry at EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. But I am going to do this.
I wish you all the strength in the world to enable you to make the right decisions, to find happiness and peace with yourself. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve it.
Love AJ xxx
That letter was so powerful.
ReplyDeleteMy heart truly goes out to you.
Just know that you will always have us, no matter what.
You have to do what is best for you, for your health, no matter how hard it may be.
You were only given one life, and I know you do not want to lose it.
I think writing the letter was the first step in the right direction.
I only hope you gain some insight as to what to do next, and soon.
*hugs*
Hang in there love.
Stay positive, stay beautiful. <3