lately, i have been noticing that my mind is becoming more and more at peace. it was all messed up a couple of weeks ago, there was too much going on in it - yet not enough. i was numb but there was screaming inside my head.
now ... i float along merrily enough.
but only when i am on my own. i can sit inside of myself and watch the world go by, just watching.
in this floaty, dreamy state, i am happy. there is no interaction with the world to bother me, there is only myself. but when the world forces me to interact with it, things change. i suddenly become tired; everything is an effort. my senses are dulled. i am snappy. now i am outside of myself and watching in horror as i am a moany, touchy bitch to people. my poor boyfriend, he puts up with so much. but i am tired from the effort of having to put on facade for people. i have to watch myself be grumpy and hear myself say things which i know will annoy him, yet they come out anyway.
i get so, so tired when i have to interact, yet the moment i am allowed to be alone again, i am awake. my boyfriend will leave because it's late and i'm tired, i will get ready for bed and just sit reading blogs and looking at recipes, happy to be at peace inside of myself again.
it's messed up. i am not normally an introvert. but at the moment, i am loving it. but i hate that i love it so.
Coffee and smokes and cold Diet Cokes are what pretty girls are made of. x. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars.
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Oh hun, don't let the introvert monster get you. Its hard sometimes but interaction is really important. I spent most of my childhood as an introvert and I got all weird. Stay strong love.
ReplyDelete-Kim
This is exactly how i am lately. I'm totally fine as long as im alone. i can focus and nothing bothers me, and i can be left alone to eat as i please. As soon as i'm around people it's like walking on a landmine of depression
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