my dopamine soothed brain is happier today

SONNET 116 <3

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved. 

he still loves me, even though i have changed. he is so wonderful to. even though i have been so short with him recently - he noticed my behaviour's changed. i was just so tired last week so was easily annoyed. no energy to be happy, no libido to make him happy.


he apologised to me that we haven't been having much sex lately. he gets tired too - but tends to just fall asleep rather than get irritable. i felt so bad. even in a half asleep state he would be up for it if i initiated it. but i am never in the mood.


i wasn't last night, but he was. "uurgh, okay then, just get on with it" i thought. he felt like a stranger in my arms. to begin with my body gave none of its normal reactions - i felt almost bored. it was horrible, i felt so guilty. but then things started happening as they should, and it was though i could feel the release of dopamine and serotonin pierce their way through and wash over my numbed mind and body. and when we reached the climax, the wave of happiness and love that came over me was so strong that i shed a tear or two (luckily it was dark so he didn't notice, haha.)


he is so good, i don't deserve him. putting up with all my crap just to carry on loving me.