weighing myself tomorrow - the day when mother "allows" me the scales. little does she know that i know where she hides them and frequently whack them out. But I haven't in a while, and boy am i scared. Been binging like a mo-fo recently.
I think I have some abhorrent fear of being hungry. I suppose my body doesn't trust me from when it was hungry 24/7. So now, even if i get the teeeeeniest bit hungry - not like i've been fasting, something ridiculous like a couple of hours after breakfast or something - my body is like "shit! i'm gonna die! must eat all the food in sight!!".
and once i pop, i just cant stop.
its honestly like i'm possessed.
hopefully though, if the weight gain is bearable, it might ward off the binging. "listening" to my body telling me that it needs more food (fuck off does it) so then i can practice regular eating at a higher weight, then change back to a weight that i am happy about.
oooh i sound like a great "recovering" girl don't it?! meh.
i suppose i should start doing what they taught me to do for 6 months and eat decent meals regularly with snacks inbetween to prevent hunger pangs and binges.
i just cba!
Coffee and smokes and cold Diet Cokes are what pretty girls are made of. x. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars.
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