about to use the oracle ...

thats what it feels like each time i step on the scales.

they rule me. instil the fear of god in me. can lift me higher than the world, or bring me crashing painfully back down. they rule my life and i worship them. i need to start using them everyday, now that i know where mum hides them

i am scared today. i am sure that whatever number it spits out at my, the digital display will merge into the words "FAT". I fasted until the evening yesterday, when i promptly ate 9 stollen bites, 5 custard doughnuts, 4 packets of crisps and a whole jar of peanut butter.

then about 8 laxatives of course.

i hate myself.



109.4.

what the fuck?! how could i let myself get so fucking fat?? unacceptable.
today, i change with the clocks.
backwards.
freedom.
perfection.
acceptance. 
happiness.