Now you're just somebody that I used to know

But my heart, it don't beat, it don't beat the way it used to.
And my eyes, they don't see you no more.
And my lips, they don't kiss, they don't kiss the way they used to, and my eyes don't recognise you no more.

 Over three and a half years. Could this be the end? Is it all my fault? Probably. But he would be better off without me. maybe, right now, I'm better off without him. I haven't seen him since valentines day. even though he now lives in town rather than half an hour away. I only know that he was camping with friends this weekend because it was on facebook. The last time he text me was on Thursday.

"Hey sorry i really cant be arsed to come round tonight. What you doing Sunday? xxxxxx"

The kisses mean nothing - there are always loads. I told him I was going to my grandparents then, and I've had no reply since. The night before i told him i might be going on antidepressants. I think he might be burying his head in the sand.

I think at least a break would be a good idea.

And the sad thing? I think I'm okay with it. Maybe it's my numbed emotions, but a year or so ago, I could have married him. Now he just annoys me. I don't think I can see him being in my life forever. To be honest - I've already missed out on quite a lot of the "classic" parts of being young free and single. Never had a one night stand. Not even ever been to a club when I was single. And now I'm basically bed bound and not at uni for the moment, I'm missing out even more.

Am i being selfish?

I don't think we've been working out for a while.

He basically hasn't had a girlfriend for ages anyway - he'd have more fun without me. I have more of a relationship with food.

Last night I was talking about this with my mum. Talking about ending a three and a half + year relationship, and suddenly all i could think about and care about was pick n mix. I'm going to get one blackcurrant fruit jelly maybe a pineapple one, a black jelly baby and gummy cherry.

Then break up with my boyfriend.

I'm so weird.

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you grow,

Take a glorious bite out of the whole world