tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39518176844929879422024-02-21T02:33:00.798+00:00Let your dreams guide you to sweeten your reality.S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.comBlogger144125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-6049238030973118172013-01-29T22:14:00.003+00:002013-01-29T22:14:20.283+00:00pulling socks upand cutting the crap.<br />
<br />
this binging is <i>stopping.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
dukan diet.<br />
<br />
protein.protein.protein.<br />
<br />
with a little sugar from fruit smoothies. i know you can't on dukan, but i read this today.<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;">Did you know that Refined Table Sugar is actually now CLASSIFIED AS A DRUG because:</strong><br style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana;">1- Eating sugar makes you physically CRAVE MORE of it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana;">2- Eating sugar causes your body to release pleasure chemicals as it stimulates the same part in the brain that cocaine and heroine use does, </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Verdana;">3- When you try to 'come off' of sugar you have withdrawal symptoms equal in severity to someone who is going through withdrawal from cocaine or heroin.</span></blockquote>
<br />
fucking <i>heroin.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
and i know it. i hurt without sugar. so i'll try to wean myself off it.<br />
<br />
i had 2 binge free days last week. this week i aim to beat that.<br />
<br />
ana ... i beg of you. help me.S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-29040372234652529472012-12-16T17:52:00.002+00:002012-12-16T17:52:59.980+00:00will i ever get there?so ive not posted in ages, ive been cruuuuising round the baltic capitals.<br />
<br />
and with the meals being all inclusive it was quite easy to eat regulary. apart from on the last day i binged. and then again when i got home. fuuuuck, here we go again.<br />
<br />
although today was good. and hopefully i'll be starting a job as a dinner lady, so routineroutineroutine!!!<br />
<br />
hitting the gym asap! S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-30160078327092434492012-11-29T12:36:00.000+00:002012-11-29T12:36:16.841+00:00some thinspo because i am fed up of being a failurei will post properly when my weight and diet is more acceptable!!!!<br />
<br />
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<br />S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-15717316389419253232012-11-29T00:27:00.000+00:002012-11-29T00:27:49.648+00:00<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://blackbook-115.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">gabrielle</a></b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">1. What did you want to be when you were little?</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><b> </b>a teacher</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">2. What outfit are you wearing right now?</b><br />
<b> </b>blue stripy pyjamas<br />
<b><br style="background-color: white;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">3. Father or mother?</b><br />
<b> </b>mother<br />
<b><br style="background-color: white;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">4. Dog or a cat person?</b><br />
<b> </b>catcatcat!!<br />
<b><br style="background-color: white;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">5. If you could have a dinner party with five famous people, alive or dead, who would they be, and why?</b><br />
<b> </b>ooooh, good one. shakespeare!! erm zooey deschanel, because she is awesome, natalie portman (girl crush!) c.s. lewis and j.k. rowling - because i love them!<br />
<b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">6. Describe yourself this year in three words.</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> dying, recovering, struggling</span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">7. Do you remember your childhood as: a) traumatic, b) blissful, or c) conventional?</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> conventional</span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">8. If tomorrow, you had to pick between taking a pill that would make you forever thin, or a pill that would make you forever happy, which pill would you take?</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> forever thin, because then i would be happy or at least would have the time to focus on trying to make myself happy without worrying about being thin</span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">9. Your earliest memory?</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;"> having to go to bed with socks on my hands to stop myself from scratching my chicken pox. i was probably about three</span></span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">10. Who do you miss at this moment in time?</b><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> my boyfriend. my university friends. my friends from home that are away at university.</span><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /></b><b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">11. Who do you adore the most today?</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> </b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">*soppy eyes* him <3</span><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></b>
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></b>
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://secret-life-of-alli.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">allison</a></b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></b>
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">why did you start blogging, and what are you trying to achieve with it?</span><br />
originally it was just like a place to vent. then i stopped. then i came back with the intention of losing weight and keeping a record of it<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what's your favorite music, TV show, color and food, and why?</span><br />
"indie" rocky stuff - it just appeals to me more. errrm, at the moment its Fresh Meat, its hilarious. Purple. Asian food is nom!<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what does a typical day look like in your life?</span><br />
at the moment, get up, take pills, shower, attempt to eat breakfast with as little binging as possible. go to the gym to work off over eating at breakfast. promising self that i wont binge. going out, buying loads of food. binging. not being able to purge. skipping dinner and annoying my mum. going to bed hating myself.<br />
fun fuuuuun!!<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what's your biggest dream?</span><br />
to travel the world<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what scares you the most?</span><br />
being stuck in this town forever with a shit job and a shit house and getting fat<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- do you want to lose weight, and what's your goal, and do you think you'd be happy there?</span><br />
yesss!!! 100 pounds and i know i will be happy there because i was happy there 2 times before<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what do you fear by losing weight?</span><br />
not being able to stop again<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what do you think has made you wanting to lose weight?</span><br />
ow self esteem, insecurities, distorted body image, competition, need for control<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- can you describe yourself, and what you like about your appearance?</span><br />
erm... no.<br />
i quite like my hair colour, but thats from a bottle anyway<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- how do you act among others?</span><br />
happier and more confident than i feel<br />
<br style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;" />
<span style="background-color: #1c1c1c; color: #cccccc; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px;">- what do you do in your spare time?</span><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> binge :(</b><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></b>S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-48066000103709713272012-11-27T16:30:00.000+00:002012-11-27T16:30:01.883+00:00fuckfuckfucktoday was going great, burned 300+ at the gym, didn't eat too much.<br />
then i went to see Kate<br />
she made me feel crap<br />
i binged.<br />
<br />
a tub of ice cream, 4 puff pastry mince pies, several packets of crisps and a few bowls of rice crispies.<br />
<i>what the fuck is wrong with me? that is so disgusting and messed up!!!</i><br />
why is it that i get all worried about calories in a standard meal, and will freak out if theres a bit of cheese or something on it, but when i am in binge mode, any thing goes.<br />
i refuse to let my mouth be a waste bin any more.<br />
fatfatfatstupidfatfailure.<br />
<br />
but Kate discharged me. i don't have to answer to her any more. i don't have to have my weekly lecture about "alarm bells" "slippery slope" and "sitting on the fence with one foot in your illness and one foot in recovery"<br />
<br />
i feel so crap, i even cried. which never happens. probably because i am cutting down on my citalopram so i can wean myself onto venlafaxine.<br />
i am just so unhappy at this weight.<br />
i am going on the slimfast diet properly.<br />
<u>not eating anything apart from slimfast and soup.</u><br />
<u><br /></u>
i'll do this for the rest of the week. next tuesday i am going on a cruise with my friend G from hospital. hopefully that will kick start some more "normal" eating, although going to Dublin didn't really do that. I just wont buy any snacks so i never have food on me.<br />
<br />
i think my goal of 100 pounds by new years eve is a bit unrealistic.<br />
but i will get there one day soon, i promise.S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-40610217684175670902012-11-27T12:54:00.001+00:002012-11-27T12:54:35.488+00:0011 things about mefor <a href="http://ninety-ninepounds.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Nicole S.</a><br />
<br />
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<em style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><u>Rules:</u></em><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><em style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><u><br /></u></em><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">- When you receive the award, thank the person who gave it to you, and include their link in your blog.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">- Post 11 things about yourself.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">- Answer the 11 questions of the person who nominated you.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">- Choose up to 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">- Create 11 questions for your nominees!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">- Inform the nominees of their nomination. </span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I have dyed red hair</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I have three tattoos and counting</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I have a hamster called popcorn that my mum let me get after I tidied my room (I am 20, not 12!!)</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I went to University in Birmingham for a year and a term before I had to drop out</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I was an inpatient in an ED unit for 4 months, then a following 2 months in their intensive non residential unit</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I have traveled a little bit, but i have such itchy feet, I need more!! </span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I honestly think that I used to have a nutella addiction</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I am vegetarian</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I still sleep with my teddy bear from when I was a baby</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I am quite arty</span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #686868; font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">I used to be a dancer</span></span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">1. Tell the story of your most embarrassing moment.</span><br />
oh god, do i really want to say?! erm, i suppose one is when i was in hospital and i dropped the jug i had to pee in so they could measure my fluids all over the floor because i was too weak to hold it. it was like a litre jug and it was full. then i cried a lot.<br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">2. Do you have any brothers or sisters? How many?</span><br />
i have one little brother<br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">3. Talk about your hobbies/favorite activities.</span><br />
i like to read a lot. and go to the cinema. i love drawing, but only when it goes right, which isnt very often!<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">4. What's your dream job?</span><br />
something with children. like day care. in london.<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">5. What are some things you hope to accomplish before you die?</span><br />
to travel as much as possible! to get married and have a family. to live in london.<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">6. What was your favorite childhood TV show or movie?</span><br />
my fave movie is either Cinderella or Mary Poppins. TV show - Noddy or The Wild Thornberrys<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">7. If you could remove all the calories from any 1 food, what would it be?</span><br />
just one?! hmmm, butter, because thats in cake and flapjack etc! can i just choose puddings? :P or fat haha.<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">8. If you were a super hero, what would your super power be, and what would your super hero name be?</span><br />
i would be able to time travel, and i would be allowed to change things in the past to make the future good without any of that butterfly effect rubbish. and i would be called Xena<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">9. What does your ideal vacation look like?</span><br />
travetraveltravel. maybe a world cruise, or a massive road trip.<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">10. Describe the first time you ever drank alcohol or took drugs.</span><br />
gosh, i cant remember the first time i drank, i used to drink with my family when i was younger. the first time i took drugs, i could rip bongs better that all the guys there. and i remember <i style="font-weight: bold;">loving</i> the feeling!<br />
<br style="background-color: white;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">11. What's your favorite thing about your home town?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> i</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">ts in the countryside but very close to cities / bigger towns</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">i choose</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><a href="http://ninaofthenight.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">ninaofthenight</a></span><br />
<a href="http://glueandpieces.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">Peridot</a><br />
<a href="http://mystruggleforperfection.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">The Lovely Bones</a><br />
<a href="http://waitingforrepairs.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">waiting for repairs</a><br />
<a href="http://purplesoulbluefingertips.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">sara.alexis</a><br />
<a href="http://bella-anorexia.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">bella</a><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">my questions:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">1. what is your guilty pleasure?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">2. what animal would you be any why?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">3. what is your favorite holiday? (christmas etc)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">4. what talent do you wish you had?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">5. if you could be any movie character, what would you be?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">6. would you go into space if you could?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">7. what is your favorite mythical creature?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">8. if you could prevent one food from ever being invented/discovered, what would it be?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">9. what is your favorite brand?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">10. tea or coffee?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">11.your favorite feature?</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #686868; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Trebuchet, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-53186661034406063992012-11-26T16:00:00.002+00:002012-11-26T16:00:43.876+00:00big fat failurei refuse to have that stamped on me any more.<br />
<br />
so my november weight loss plans went down the drain. 100lb by the end of november? no, try 114. although the scales did go up to 118 at one horrific point, so i think i've done okay to get back to 114 while still binging every now and then. talking of binging, i tried to make a plan - to have a planned controlled 1000 calorie binge, and then burn at least 500 at the gym. kind of went to plan. i burned the 500, but obviously the 1000 calories are now probably nearer 2 or 3 thousand as i binged after the gym too. genius.<br />
<br />
i was thinking of maybe allowing myself one binge day a week. so i wont feel so guilty and then i can spend the rest of the week preparing for it. so that was today. we'll see how that goes.<br />
<br />
i've bought some appetite controllers from boots. they have some fiber in them that swells to 50 times its original size so helps you feel full. hopefully they work they cost £25! i also have these other pills which seem to be working so far. just not fast enough!!<br />
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as citalopram isn't working for me, i've been prescribed venlafaxine. i'm hoping the transition to that might curb my appetite a bit.<br />
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last night i promised my boyfriend that i wouldn't cut anymore. i intend to keep that promise.<br />
now i am promising you that i will be 100lb by new years eve, and that i will cut down my binging till i stop.<br />
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i fully intend to keep that promise too.<br />
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<br />S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-75053486773758654842012-11-24T10:58:00.001+00:002012-11-24T10:58:36.858+00:00todaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegoodtodaywillbegood<br />
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i do not need to binge.<br />
<br />
so i will not. <br />
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<br />S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-3950851132096847282012-11-23T14:46:00.001+00:002012-11-23T15:18:40.546+00:00mehhive eaten waaaaay to much, but not really a binge. could have been, but luckily my friend called me at just the right moment.<br />
i guestimate ive eaten about 1300 calories so far today.<br />
but i did a 20 min work out video and walked about 6 miles to my grandparents, so thats about -500 calories.<br />
<br />
hopefully going to the gym with R later too.<br />
<br />
baby steps baby steps.
but quick baby steps, because i am way too fat at the mo!!<br />
<br />
in other news, i have a job.
wait till you hear where.<br />
oooh so funny...
i am an official chip shoveller.<br />
yup, i work in a fish and chip shop called the forum fryer.<br />
<br />
woooo for reverse thinspo!! hahaS.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-11376495390559908832012-11-22T20:38:00.000+00:002012-11-22T20:38:09.487+00:00this is warMy boyfriend wanted to start going to he gym to bulk up a bit. He worked out his bmi... He is 56kg with a bmi of just over 19 and an insanely high metabolism. The bastard! He declared war on his body and is trying to get to bmi 20 as soon as possible, he says Monday but I doubt that.
He text me today saying he felt really sick after eating a slightly bigger breakfast. I told him I had just had a 5000 calorie binge. He said he was jealous.
This is so fucked up.
I too have declared war. Bmi 17, I am out to get you!S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-40637912544239698722012-11-20T16:39:00.001+00:002012-11-20T16:39:46.902+00:00too fat and lazy for helpKate said she's probably going to have to stop seeing me because I'm not making any progress. She said that my weight isn't scarily low and I have no motivation to recover.
Aka, fat and lazy.
This is bullshit. I have no idea what my weight is, I didn't look as it was up 5 pounds from yesterday's binge when I weighed this morning, then I binged again, so it would be something awful. Mainly because I still have food in me but still. my
Now I am fat I don't need help obviously.
also, I got my period a little bit for the first time in a. Year and a half, so my body fat percentage must be at least Fucking 20 Aaaaah! What the fuuuuuck.
Tomorrow u start slimfast and my new diet pills.
Sorry I haven't been commenting, haven't got my laptop and this phone is a bitch.S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-34914085346375294972012-11-15T14:51:00.001+00:002012-11-15T14:51:34.684+00:00let's just forget yesterday and focus on todaybecause today has been good. slimfast vanilla shakes are the shizz, i am so buying a tub of that.<br />
<br />
yesterday was baaaad. and the day before<br />
<br />
i am sick of telling myself "tomorrow i will not binge"<br />
always <b>tomorrow</b> never <i><b>today </b></i><br />
<br />
so, today i will not binge. and i will tell myself that every day.<br />
<i><b> </b></i><br />
i've been feeling so ill and horrible. i had a migraine yesterday, so have the leftovers of that today. of course, the first thing my gran said to me when i got it "your headache begs the question - have you eaten properly today?"<br />
<br />
fuck yoooooou!!<br />
<br />
she came and saw kate (my therapist) with me on tuesday. i don't know what she expected to get out of it. it was basically just a free pass for her to bitch at me. the first thing i am doing when i get a job is moving out.<br />
<br />
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<br />S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-42915673518710973412012-11-13T17:26:00.003+00:002012-11-13T17:26:50.948+00:00"ditch the cake you fools"<a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2232107/Fat-Stop-greedy-just-ditch-cake-fools-says-model-Joanna-Lumley.html" target="_blank">this is hilarious</a>. i so wish i had her to tell me this every day. i am going to try and picture her every time i see a cake. dont be a fatty!<br />
talking of which - i am. ate faaaar too much today.<br />
<br />
going to start on the healthy skinny girl diet.<br />
900 cals tomorrow.<br />
<br />
buuuut - i have lost weight. 2 kilos over a week - down to 51 now. not sure how, but i'm not complaining! better keep this up :) ive ordered some more diet pills and burned a lot at the gym today. ive also been doing a lot f squats and sits ups and the like at home, to try and build up the muscle as we all know that muscle burns fat<br />
<br />
just keep going, just keep going!!!<br />
<br />
hope you're all well :)S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-80869684726428245402012-11-13T13:33:00.001+00:002012-11-13T13:33:05.371+00:00go go go!!!<a href="http://www.womenshealth-today.com/uk-bml.php?sub=" target="_blank">i found this weightloss free trial!!!</a>S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-26861823161924493002012-11-12T18:33:00.001+00:002012-11-12T18:33:30.529+00:00he is my own personal drugoooh his eyes. his smile.<br />
the way he treats me like a princess.<br />
how the fuck did i bag him?<br />
<br />
seriously, he makes me feel high. everything is better when he is there.<br />
<br />
he wasn't there today. and i was at home for a bit.<br />
<br />
urrrgh food.<br />
<br />
could have been a lot worse though.<br />
<br />
going to start counting my calories again. safety in numbers!!!S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-33212013076280089022012-11-10T02:29:00.001+00:002012-11-10T02:29:31.619+00:00this time last year ...... i was in hospital for a week on a drip with "gastroenteritis" aka - i took too many laxatives.<br />
<br />
now, i am still abusing laxatives.<br />
<br />
but the difference?<br />
<br />
then i weighed 85 pounds.<br />
<br />
now, i am fat. <br />
<br />
fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat.<br />
<br />
i feel so unhealthy. i suppose a solid month of binging will do that to a person.<br />
i have a band of fat around my stomach.<br />
my nice tiny waist has all gone.<br />
i am so bloated.<br />
i am dehydrated.<br />
my immunity is fucked.<br />
i have the worst cold and can hardly breathe.<br />
my skin is <b>awful</b> .<br />
<br />
a <i>month</i> <br />
<br />
i cant remember the last day i followed a meal plan. i cant remember the last day i had three proper meals.<br />
its just <b>fat</b>. pure, squidgy, holdable, wobbly fat. i wouldnt be so mad if my weight had gone in muscle mass. i need a body stat doing to scare myself. i hate to think what my body fat percentage it. in july it was about 11. in july i was 100 pounds. in july i was happy.<br />
<br />
in july i was perfect.S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-44453436202624498202012-11-09T19:56:00.002+00:002012-11-09T19:56:33.406+00:00i could have skipped dinnermy grandparents went out.<br />
<br />
i could have not eaten all day and they wouldn't have known.<br />
<br />
but of course i binged.<br />
<br />
i will STOP stealing other peoples food.<br />
<br />
haaaaaaate myself!!!!!!!!S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-66673841112840041362012-11-09T17:08:00.000+00:002012-11-09T17:08:24.946+00:00Crazy isn't being broken, or swallowing a dark secret. It's you, or me, amplified.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is exactly what i want to look like. my hair is already that colour, it used to be that length but i had to cut it because it became as thin as smoke. my face actually looks a bit like that too. ENVY! and i need to see my hipbones looking like that again. its like a drug. i crave it. unfortunately i crave food too. i just need to work on letting my cravings for hipbones and perfection grow bigger than my cravings for food. eventually.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">i kind of binged today. but not really. i ate a lot, but not as much as it could have been. porridge for breakfast made with water. i was meant to have a driving lesson but that got cancelled. so i was a fool and went home for a bit. three bowls of muesli and water, a packet of monster munch, a packet of quavers a nakd banana bread bar and about 10 biscuits(garibalidi and a few custard creams (maybe less)</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">fooooking fatty. im going to try and get away with the lowest calorie soup tonight. i am going to start writing food plans and counting calories again.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">on the plus side, i burned about 500 cals at the gym, and did a LOT of walking on top of that. still no excuse</td></tr>
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<br />S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-38879078360797427952012-11-08T19:10:00.001+00:002012-11-08T19:10:29.467+00:00getting there ...again with the no binging - teetered on the brink of it though. ate a lot but <b>not a binge</b>.<br />
<br />
i've lost a couple of pounds, its hard to tell on non digital scales. they said around 110 i think. so thats down about 3-4 pounds (yeah it went up the first week of november instead of down, but hopefully will keep on going down)<br />
<br />
i watched a documentary (dying to be anorexic) and this scientist person was giving this girl tips on calories. she said that at 300 calories your metabolism is so slow that fat loss hardly happens, in fact anything under 1000 does that. so its best to eat at least 1000 and exercise.<br />
<br />
i don't know how many i've been eating lately, don't think i really want to know. as long as its not a binge. slowly slowly cutting down. it'll have been under 2000 for sure the last couple of days though. i will start counting again next week.<br />
<br />
although my gran is coming to see kate with me (my eating disorder therapist). that might put a spanner in the works when she starts banging on about 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. i'll have to try and get away with fruit for snacks. and i cook my own meals so that'll be noodle free stir frys and soup for me thanks!<br />
<br />
i need to stay away from this lush bread that my gran bought with seeds and raisins. i said a couple of weeks ago that i was giving up bread!! ryvitasryvitasryvitas!!!!<br />
<br />
i will get there eventually.<br />
<br />
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<br />S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-63715205763102438292012-11-07T19:37:00.002+00:002012-11-07T19:37:12.617+00:00these empty days are too full of hoursi haven't binged today. woo.<br />
<br />
i ate more than i intended to, and nearly cracked once or twice but i managed to keep a check on it.<br />
<br />
i burned 350 ish calories at the gym and did a lot of extra walking.<br />
it's a long walk from the bus stop down the country lane to my grandparents house. i found a sheep with its head stuck in a fence that i spent a long time trying to rescue. luckily my granddad came and sorted him out.<br />
<br />
i am soooooo ill, it's horrendous. my head is filled with saw dust and i constantly feel sick, although no such luck there.<br />
<br />
i saw my boy last night. he is my own personal sunshine. he hugged me tight, kissed my scars, whispered words into my ears and made me melt.<br />
<br />
he is criminally sexy, and oh, those eyes. i could drown in those eyes. those deep, blue eyes. S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-72778881662650712872012-11-06T18:39:00.000+00:002012-11-06T18:39:56.572+00:00i feel like a pig shat in my headbloody sleeping tablets, diazepam, cold, screaming, crying myself to sleep, binging, self hatred.<br />
<br />
sooooo, last night my gran went batshit crazy when at half 7 she presented me with a dinner i DID NOT want (or know she was cooking for that matter) and i told her i already ate as we eat at 6.<br />
<br />
she instantly hit the roof.<br />
<br />
"you're a shit. just eat it. eat it or fuck off"<br />
<br />
so i went upstairs to my room followed by screams of "you're a shit, you just use people, fuck off"<br />
<br />
she was drunk. which i told her to her face and she couldn't hack it.<br />
<br />
just went on and on about how such a bad person i am. i cant live in the real world. i need to stop being depressed and start living in the real world. everyone else can deal with it, why cant i? so as she was there reeling off a list of all the reasons i hate myself, i thought "would she be happy if i was dead?"<br />
<br />
so i said "thats a nice way to speak to someone who is suicidal, should i just kill myself?"<br />
<br />
she told me to go ahead.<br />
i dont think she thought i was in the tiniest bit serious till she saw my cuts and scars this morning. i made a point of not covering them up entirely.<br />
<br />
of course, all love and hugs this morning "we can do it"<br />
<br />
she's so polarized. such a fucking stormS.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-34100014920097430362012-11-03T17:35:00.001+00:002012-11-03T17:35:17.000+00:00so children what's the number one rule?thats right! fasting leads to binging.<br />
<br />
well. fucking.done.<br />
<br />
i am going to live with my grandparents for a week or so to try and get a change of scenery and to break this fucking cycle.<br />
<br />
i need a kick up the backside, my mum wont do that, my gran sure as hell will.<br />
i think i'll be way too scared to binge there.<br />
<br />
i just need to break the cycle, get my head sorted out and then try again at home.<br />
<br />
i'm going out tonight dressed as a pirate.<br />
its bloody freezing but hopefully the cold will burn some kcals!S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-75675107158980284522012-11-03T11:14:00.000+00:002012-11-03T11:14:00.300+00:00baby stepsso i tried to keep my fast from yesterday going.<br />
<br />
but i'm not used to being hungry so i was going to have one piece of bread with jam (why?!! i dont know - its on my banned list!!!!)<br />
so that turned into 4 pieces, but the jam is all gone now, so no more temptation from that.<br />
and a large bowl of alpen.<br />
<br />
meeeeehh.<br />
a large breakfast but not as large as a binge.<br />
<br />
i could count the cereal as my breakfast, 2 bits of bread for lunch and the other 2 for dinner.<br />
i will have to have dinner tonight if my mums in (and i'm going drinking tonight) but i should be able to get away with soup.<br />
<br />
on the plus side - it didnt turn into a massive binge and the scales said i was down 2 pounds this morning. not getting too excited about that yet as thats probably just emptiness rather than weight loss.<br />
<br />
we shall see what tomorrow brings.<br />
<br />
wish me luck and strength for the rest of the day!!!S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-55713436840771913892012-11-02T19:46:00.004+00:002012-11-02T19:46:34.728+00:00empty stomach, clear mind<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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all that has passed my lips today is 3 cups of coffee with a little almond milk, squash, pills, supplements and smoke.<br />
<br />
its amazing how much more focused i am when i am not a mindless zombie eating everything in sight.<br />
i slept a lot today.<br />
i don't feel as hungry as i do when i eat.<br />
<br />
it's getting cold. the cold wakes me up, makes me feel more alive. makes me feel something which is nice. the razor brings comfort with the blood, but no wake up call from the pain. just the initial scratch and then nothing. i need the pain.<br />
<br />
my mum tried to make me eat dinner but i convinced her that i binged so i didn't have anything. <br />
<br />
i was tempted, but i did not give in.<br />
<br />
bingeingisacopingmechanismthatidonotneedbingeingisacopingmechanismthatidonotneedbingeingisacopingmechanismthatidonotneedbingeingisacopingmechanismthatidonotneedbingeingisacopingmechanismthatidonotneedbingeingisacopingmechanismthatidonotneedS.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3951817684492987942.post-29617936680544992732012-11-02T08:30:00.000+00:002012-11-02T08:30:47.782+00:00why not speed up the inevitable?so last night my mum caught me curled up on the floor with my eyes closed having a panic attack and holding a packet of diazepam.<br />
<br />
it was all i could do not to take them all. its all i could do not to run upstairs and jam my razor as deep into my wrists as it could go, drag it down my arm and drag me down with it.<br />
<br />
she hates seeing me like this, so i told her that i was planning on losing weight. 10 pounds or so. i think she would rather that than me killing myself.<br />
<br />
BANNED FOOD<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Chocolate (although i havent eaten that for months and dont have a problem avoiding it, it disgusts me) </li>
<li>Bread</li>
<li>Cakes</li>
<li>Cereal that isn't mine</li>
<li>Biscuits</li>
<li>Crisps</li>
<li>Cookies</li>
<li>Doughnuts</li>
<li>Cheese</li>
<li>Butter/spread</li>
<li>Pastries</li>
<li>Flapjack</li>
<li>Full fat milk</li>
<li>Jam</li>
</ul>
<b>do not </b>eat food that isn't "low fat"<br />
<b>do not </b>eat alone<br />
<b>do not</b> buy food alone<br />
<b>do not </b>eat food that isn't mine<br />
<b>do not </b>eat food unless sitting down<br />
<b>do not </b>eat food unless off a plate<br />
<b>do not</b> eat food mindlessly<br />
<b>do not <i>eat.</i></b>S.http://www.blogger.com/profile/07771393123165708758noreply@blogger.com1