feeling better today - and i have a plan :)

okay, so i have recently been annoyed that despite losing weight, my inner thighs and lower belly are still a teeny bit pudgy. but i have also been annoyed that since losing weight by boobs have got smaller ( i know i go on about them enough, but its a touchy subject with me, they never started off big to begin with!)

but i have realised, that although losing weight will improve my thighs and belly - they will not be perfect (well, as near as possible) by just losing weight alone. they need to be more toned. So, my plan is, to focus on toning these areas while i maintain my weight.

tone and maintain! 

Sooo, i shall do this until I am satisfied, and then i will attempt to gradually put on a few pounds in the (possibly vain) hope that the weight will not greatly affect my perfectly toned and sculpted areas, and will just go to my boobs. that's the plan anyway - its worth a try. and if it doesn't work i will then have to make a decision - do i stay the same or lose the weight again at the sacrifice of my lady lumps? (lol, i cant believe i just called them that!!)

anyways, today was good - i didn't even crave chocolate like i normally do when I'm pms-ing ... i craved grapes. yaaaay! :)

i feel awful :/

i was craving pizza, so i made a kind of pizza-y pocket - about 50g dough and a tomato, garlic and chili pepper filling - no cheese of course. was pretty yummy, but i made it a tad too salty and i feel sick now. i also feel angry at myself because i left a bit as i didn't want it, but then for some reason went back to eat it later. only about two mouthfuls, but i instantly regretted it. i may try and do a bit of exercise, but ill have to just run around my room or something, don't have time to do much else, so much revising to do!

mehhhh

yay :)

im sat in my room watching "cook yourself thin" and doing a load of crunches and rowing band exercises when i can smell wafting upstairs the smell of dinner. Fish and chips.
admittedly it does smell delish but the thought of all that fat makes me queasy (okay it's homemade, not from a chippy and the fish is oven baked - but still)
buuuuut - it's not for me! dear mummy told me that i should only have a little thing to eat while my stomach gets better, and that i can make it myself. she even suggested a cup-a-soup - result :)
it's quite tempting to go downstairs and nick a chip, but i will not :) i shall do some more crunches and just smell the dinner. that will satisfy me :)

today has been good and bad :/

yesterday was a really good day calorie wise so i allowed myself a snack of a banana in the evening - i sooo wish i hadn't! i think i must be allergic to them or something (is that even possible?!) because as soon as i ate it i felt a bit sick, which soon escalated into REALLY sick and intense stomach cramping. did not agree with my poor tummy at all (it's still feeling sorry for itself now). this also happened at christmas (i was working in a supermarket and threw up while serving a customer!!)
but then when i stepped on the scales this morning, it said 112.5 (ish - i can't really tell because we have rubbish non-digital ones. i cant wait to get my digital ones back from uni).
so- that made me happy, but then i stepped on and off and it went up to 113.5 ish. guhhh.

to make things worse, i went into the living room this morning and noticed that my mum had laid out little bowls of sweets. my favorite sweets - rowntrees very berry jellies and chocolate raisins. i couldn't resist :( i had  or 6 jellies (about 75-80cal) and about 10 raisins (about 40cal). i suppose i should be happy because i was on the brink of a binge but i resisted.

i also haven't been for a run in ages :( crunches etc can only do so much :( although i am loving my rowing exercise band thingy at the mo :)

on the other hand - having a poorly tummy means that i can get away with a teeny dinner this evening, yay :)
(not that i could eat a whole meal anyways!)

just been for a run

well, it was more of a jog, interspersed with brisk walking. could only do about 15 mins before i got too wheezy and couldn't do any more. I think I'm better off with just brisk walking, i can last longer. I'll try that next time.

i feel a bit better now, still angry with myself for having that nutella, it's not as if i was doing it because someone was watching me eat - i was home alone!
i am a bit annoyed because i had a spoonful of cheesecake, but it was only a spoonful and i made it myself with quark (virtually fat free cream cheese!!). It did have a biscuit base and lemon curd on it though :(

although i managed to do a bit of exercise (i also walked up and down the stairs for 5 mins this morning) this has still been a bad day. this cannot continue.

tomorrow will be a good day.